Pride and Family

Just a quick post before we go sign the official papers to sell our first home!!!

I am obsessed with fertilityfriend.com.  I read all of the posts and look at everyone's pregnancy test pics. Who knows...maybe in the far depths of my brain I believe visualization will help me get a positive test.  Obsession is just part of my personality.  I also like the community of other women dealing with the same issues and asking the same questions and having the same frustrations.  I just read a post about a woman who was upset with someone telling her she was pregnant and then saying, "we weren't even trying!!"  Now, those of you with infertility issues, you know how difficult that is to hear, but for me, seeing that this time didn't upset me.  It made me proud of what I've been through.

I'm proud of myself for being strong enough to go through all of the surgeries and all of the hormones. I'm proud of myself for getting through a few days without thinking of our little angel Malachi or how pregnant I would be right now.  I'm proud of myself when I can think positively about our future rather than dwell on how long it's taking us to get there. I'm proud of how my relationship with DH has grown over the past few months because of our struggles.  I'm proud of the other women out there who share their stories and don't try to hide the fact that sometimes it's hard to get pregnant and sometimes we can't just "relax and let it happen."

My darling sister-in-law is one of those lucky, blessed women who got pregnant easily, "without trying." Seeing my future neice or nephew on that ultrasound made me proud to be a future aunt, and proud of my sis-in-law for having the courage to tell DH and I that she was expecting and proud of her compassion and understanding throughout everything. Even though I can't say I'm thankful for my circumstances, I'm proud of what they're making me and I thank God for the relationships that have formed and been strengthed as a result.

And, on another really awesome note...my younger sister is FINALLY moving home!!! WAHOO!! Can't wait to have my shopping and Gossip Girl buddy back!!