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I made the decision on Monday to pause my Fertility Friend account. As I've mentioned before, I have an obsessive personality, and being on that website was driving me crazy. I was depressed looking at all the positive HPTs, and I obsessed about my own chart and "pregnant" charts that may look like mine. Any of you ladies who are/have been on FF know what I'm talking about.
Since making that decision, I feel SO much better. Yes, I'm still obsessed with charting and I keep track of it, but on my own little daily planner. I really can't tell you why this has made so much of a difference, but I am definitely more positive than I've felt in weeks. I know that as soon as I do truly ovulate, I will "symptom spot" with the best of them, but that's ok. I've got a while to mentally prepare for that.
I mentioned Anne of Green Gables in my post yesterday. In the fifth book in the series, Anne's House of Dreams, Anne loses her first baby at birth. It's such a touching chapter in the book, and the feelings of loss are so poignant and true. I've thought of this quote many times in the past few months, but for some reason, I hadn't looked it up until now. I think this quote sums up loss--and the aftermath of loss--beautifully; even though we move on and move forward, we never forget.
I now want to go back and re-read the entire series of these beautiful books, but alas, the storage unit has eaten them up for at least a few more months :) I hope to have a daughter someday who will love these books and make them part of her childhood as I did. Yes, I was a voracious, nerdy reader as a child...oh wait, nothing's changed!
Happy Hump Day, y'all!
13 comments:
FF is addictive. I'm only using it now to keep up with my cycle. I try not to go on the boards too much or look at the chart galleries. I mean, it's not like I'm going to get pregnant on my own.. haha!
The girls on there are crazy. Posting editted pictures of HPTs that look stark white to me and then all comparing their struggles. The site is great, but I'm trying to only use it for my personal benefit and to stalk a few other ladies I've made friends with on there.
I, too, love LOVE Anne and the whole series. I'd love to visit PEI one day :)
Happy ICLW!
I should go back and read them all too. I LOVED them as a kid. I used to dream about marrying Gilbert.
Oh my goodnes I loved Gilbert! And he was so cute in the movies as well :)
Agh! I didn't read far enough in the Anne of GG series to find out that she lost an infant. Heart-wrenching.
I am very obsessive, too! I've always done paper charts. I hope being off of FF continues to help you think about charting just a little bit less!
I LOVE the Anne books!! They are so good. I don't remember that part, but I was 14 when I read them. I'll have to go back and reread them.
ICLW #95
Hi Jeanna! Thanks for finding my blog! The prolactin bloodwork is used as part of a work-up for fertility problems, I had it done when I went to my OBGYN when I had concerns about us not getting pregnant early on. Your RE would also recommend it. I had super irregular periods/elevated prolactin and the bromocriptine has regulated them. Best of luck to you!
Love Anne of Green Gables... and had forgotten that she'd lost her child... so so sad. Thinking of you and nominated you for a One Lovely Blog Award xoxo
Then you have two awards! Because I have given you one too.
Happy ICLW! It's my first too and I was also afraid I would be a crappy commenter, but it's been really fun!
Glad you are taking a FF break, it can drive you crazy, I know it!
Hi from ICLW! I renewed my FF account even though it's never even worked for me. I don't know why. I'm obsessed too.
Quitting FF would be tough. I had 2 "triphasic" charts in recent months and obsessed over others like mine...most of them resulting in BFPs though. I don't know if I could do it!
Ahh, I love Anne of Green Gables too! I recently reread all of the series on my Kindle - they are free (except for one, for which the copyright rights have not yet expired) - so if you have one, that might get you around the storage issue. And I too was struck by the references to Anne's pregnancy and loss that had never resonated with me when I first read (and re-read ... and re-re-read) the books as a child. That quote is so beautifully, heartbreakingly sad.
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