Do Not Be Afraid

Hi y'all! I hope that there are some of you still out there reading my blog, despite my hiatus. So, since last post I have: been matron of honor in one of my bestie's weddings, packed and moved all of our belongings, moved in with the in-laws, started the cycle from hell, been accepted to grad school(!!).  PHEW. I am ready for a vacation, which DH says I tell him every day.  The past few weeks truly have been a whirlwind of emotions.  I'm FINALLY done with the hormones, and even though my cycle is royally screwed up as a result, I feel like myself again.  DH said I smiled all day yesterday; guess I was not the most pleasant person to be around when I was pumped with hormones like a non-organic chicken.

This post is a little past due, but I've been wanting to write about our Easter sermon at church.  DH and I have been "church hunting" lately, but we attended Easter service at our church home and LOVED it.  I think we may return home after all.  The title of the sermon was "Do Not Be Afraid," the first words Jesus spoke after He was risen, according to the Gospel of Matthew).  This message resonated with me for so many reasons.  I've had more than enough reasons to be afraid in the past 4 months, starting with the ill-fated visit to the emergency room in December.  Sitting here now, there are still things I'm afraid of--not getting any positive OPKs this month, taking a pregnancy test and it coming back negative, losing another baby--and for me, it's so easy to be overwhelmed by these fears that I fail to live in faith and appreciate what I have now.  I have two loving families. I have a wonderful, caring, devoted husband who wants a baby just as bad as I do. I have a job that has allowed me the time off I've needed. Do Not Be Afraid.

I know that I can't control when the stork finally finds my address or (more realistically) when my right ovary will decide to produce an egg.  Being afraid of this isn't logical; fear doesn't make things happen.  As I've mentioned before, I'm not perfect, and I know my faith and my strength will falter, but I am going to try to heed Christ's words: Do Not Be Afraid.

Now I just need someone to stamp this on my box of OPKs and new box of cheapo pregnancy tests....