And So We Begin...

...several new journies at once!

Cycle day 1! WAHOO!!! Finally! I have been waiting...and waiting...and waiting...for April to get here, well really, waiting for any month that had the possibility of babymaking in it.  I know it means back to the charting, and the OPKs, but I'm ok with it because it means progress and moving forward. 

Poor DH has definitely had to deal with my roller coaster emotions this past weekend.  Friday's funk didn't really lift until Sunday morning, so I was not a terribly pleasant person to be around this weekend, though I do blame the Provera more than I blame myself.  For the ladies out there struggling with infertility and loss--I pray that you have wonderful, supportive significant others in your lives.  I know in the very depths of my heart that I couldn't do this without DH.  He is logical but understanding, holding me while I cry but asking if I know what I'm crying about, trying to help me see the bright side (or more often just the rational side).  He's always ready to cheer at the first sign of moving on.  He understands when I can't bear to go out or see other people because I just can't muster the strength to smile or even fake smile.  His were the strong arms that lifted me out of bed when I couldn't pull myself up after surgery.  In the past 5 months, I feel like I have gotten to know him more than I did in the past four and a half years of being married to him.  He's a remarkable person with an endless store of strength in the hardest of times. If I am lucky enough to have a son like him someday, it will be the greatest blessing I could ask for.

Speaking of blessings, our little home has sold!  We only had it on the market for about two weeks, and now our closing date is two and a half weeks away.  Packing our first home is definitely bitter sweet. I know we're moving on for good reasons, but seeing the empty walls definitely makes me feel a little empty inside. In retrospect, there's no way we could have remodeled our home and gotten it ready to sell had I been pregnant during this time (I would have been 22 weeks today), so to me, it's just another little nudge from God saying "see, I told ya" (as said in Simba's voice in the Lion King). 

Because we haven't found a place to live yet, April 19 will find us vagabonds, traveling from one set of parents to the other and inhabiting their currently-vacant upstairs spaces.  I adore my in-laws and I pretty much have the best parents in the world, so staying with them isn't a problem.  However, I will miss my space, my HOME, my kitchen.  Walking in to my home and breathing a sigh of relief that I made it through another day.  I think the word home has such a different connotation than the word house, and the feelings and emotions associated with home are what I am truly going to miss.  Add to all of this that we are trying to conceive (regardless of time or place--that positive OPK takes precedence!), and everything gets just that much more interesting.

And finally, thanks to all of y'all out there who take the time to read my blog :)