Updates and upcoming excitement

I've been a terrible blogger lately.  I guess I'm lacking inspiration, and I'm quite busy with work and finishing my first semester of grad school.  We were gone for four days over Thanksgiving break, and the days before Thanksgiving were spent working around the house with hubs.  A brief update on Baby Boy...

• Last prenatal appointment with Dr. N. went well.  Gestational diabetes test was negative, though I am not allowed to gain more than one pound a week. I've gained quite a bit so far and left the appointment rather upset about this.  I exercise 4 to 5 times a week and am very careful about what I eat, so seeing the scale took me by surprise. I'm now walking/lifting weights 6 days a week (an hour each day) and have cut out all bad stuff from my diet, including my vanilla frozen yogurt with hot fudge (boo hiss).  Hopefully I will stay within my weight gain range, or more than that, hopefully the weight won't stay around long afterwards.
• DH will now  be going to every appt. with me as I'm going twice monthly. INSANE!
• At my next appt (Tues. 12/4) we should find out if I have to a have a C section as a result of all of my uterine surgeries. I'm hoping no. 
• Baby Boy seems to be a pretty quiet baby, so quiet that the nurse had me come in on Tuesday so she could monitor his heart because he was only moving about every three hours.  He seriously freaks me out with this stunt!  That evening, he was crazy baby, of course. 
• Last night I'm pretty sure I felt my first Braxton Hicks.  (maybe not, I've never had a baby before, so who knows). The whole area around my belly button got tight and cramped terribly.  It was horrible. I had two in twenty minutes and then I was fine, but my belly was still sore this morning.  These pains were accompanied by some pressure "down there." I thought about calling the nurse line, but once the pains went away, I figured I was fine.  I thought I was done worrying after the first trimester, but the feeling of not knowing and not being able to do anything doesn't ever go away.
• My first baby shower is this Saturday!! It seems early, but I didn't want to impose on anyone's holidays, and mid-January is a little late to start getting baby stuff. 

And on that note...in January, I will be having my last baby shower.  At our church, there are six families who all have daughters/daughters-in-law the same age (that's approximately 12 daughters).  These six women--including my MIL--throw every daughter a bridal and baby shower.  From September to March, they will have hosted four baby showers!  It's a veritable baby boom among the daughters. My SIL, myself, and two other girls will all have babies within six months of each other.  I'm so blessed to be a part of this group of women.  One of my BFFs is also a part of this group and will be helping host my baby shower.  That's the new era: the daughters are now helping with the planning! I will be helping with the March baby shower (I hope). 

Every time I look at my baby registry, I worry that baby will not have what he needs. I know it's silly, especially (as bff DD said) when women hundreds of years ago raised babies with nothing.  The funny thing about baby stuff is that we buy all this STUFF that we hope helps the baby and mommy stay sane, but we really don't know if it will work.  Baby Boy could love the vibrating chair. Or hate it. He could love the swing.  Or hate it.  He could love the nap nanny. Or hate it.  Really, I have no idea what to expect.  Trial by fire I guess.  I go back and forth as to whether or not I want to cloth diaper.  I LOVE the idea but I'm also overwhelmed and frightened by it, despite the numerous hours of research I've done on the topic.  There are so many decisions to make, and with less than 12 weeks less, I hope I'm making the right ones. 

After New Years, we will only have six weeks. SIX!!! AHH!!  So, over Christmas break, I will be writing my sub plans for my long-term substitute.  I will be returning to work the second week in April if Baby Boy makes his due date.  I will be at school to teach and have meetings in the morning and then leave around 11:30, pick up Baby Boy, and work from home in the afternoon.  Baby Boy will be with an at-home sitter with his cousin, Elyse, in the mornings.  My SIL and BIL were pleased with this sitter, and once Elyse starts seeing her in January, we will confirm our decision as well.  Both DH and BIL are off work every other Friday, so Fridays will be boys-and-babies day. 

Here I am, officially in my third trimester.  Officially two-thirds of the way through.  Looking forward to my baby shower, throwing DD's baby shower (more about this later! I couldn't be more excited!), and Christmas! 

I'll post a bump pic after my shower.  I'm kind of obsessed with my shower outfit iincluding the heels, which are way too high to wear to work but will be manageable for three hours :)  I also haven't revealed Baby Boy's name to all of my blog friends yet.  I think I'm going to wait until he's born...all my real-life friends and family know, but I like the secret, even though it's not really a secret.

Ups and Downs

I'm 27 weeks and a few days pregnant.  Almost into the 3rd trimester.  About 88 days from my due date.  Wow. Just wow.  After the first trimester crept by, I can't believe that I'm actually here, or that my belly is here.  I've gotten immune to its size and don't see too many changes, but everyone else certainly does.  The most recent and awkward development: putting on shoes/boots has become quite a challenge.  As y'all know, I love shoes.  I love boots even more.  As we would say as kids, if I could marry boots, I would.  DH thinks my obsession with boots is wrong; I contend that this obsession is only wrong if I spend my whole paycheck on the Tory Burch brown riding boots that I want. Or the tall Frye riding boots.  Which I won't, because well, the boots won't help outfit the baby or finish the nursery or buy people Christmas presents.  But I digress...

This week has finally brought cool enough weather where I felt ok wearing boots and leggings.  My internal space heater (aka Baby Boy) determines my wardrobe, and I'm pretty sure I will not wear a coat at all this season.  So, on Monday, I went to pull on my fav gray boots.  Temp outside: low 40s.  Fan on in bedroom.  Oh. My. Goodness.  First of all, no position is comfortable when leaning over belly to pull on said boots.  Commence side laying on bed trying to pull on boots.  Commence J sweating like mad (in her skinny black pants and bra).  I'm sure this would have been a video to see on America's Funniest Home Videos.  And to top it off...I lost all my socks in the move, so I had to take my boots off at work to change my socks! (I work with my mom and she brought me socks. I love that woman.  Who else would bring you trouser socks at 7:30 am?!)  I told one of my non-prego BFFs this story and she died laughing.  I really think women should be warned about the boot-pulling-on struggles of pregnancy (she says tongue-in-cheek, realizing that she would give anything to have these struggles again).

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Yesterday, DH and I went to church.  We've been attending this church since we started dating again, 7 and a half years ago.  We often see a family with a severely handicapped child.  This boy has grown so much since we started attending, but he's wheelchair bound with clear mental and physical handicaps.  DH has always had a soft spot for mentally handicapped children.  Whenever we talked about pregnancy, we talked about these possibilities, about wanting to have babies but worried about the risks as well.  With Baby Boy, we declined the NT scan and we declined any bloodwork to test for issues.  We had faith in Dr. N's basic assessment that everything looks amazing.  Why did we decline? Well, I couldn't and wouldn't have changed Baby Boy's fate.  One of my students said in class last Friday (in reference to the TLC show about the girls who share a body) that she would've never wanted to give birth to a child like that.  I told her that you think that until you see a heartbeat on the ultrasound, and you know in your heart that you could never, ever, kill that heartbeat, that little pod-shaped baby. 

I was catching up on my blogs last night and read an update by L.  I'd link her blog here, but she's private now and I don't want to compromise that.  She got "bad" blood test results from her 12 week bloodwork.  There is the possibility of neural tube defects or placental defects.  I have faith for her that everything will work out, because without this faith, I would have nothing, and because I've read so many stories where the tests are inaccurate and a level 2 ultrasound shows no issues.  But reading the post kind of threw me for a loop.  DH was out at a friend's house and when he came home, I started crying. I told him I know we made the decision to decline the tests, but that having a baby with "issues" scared me, scared me because I didn't want to lose DH over the difficulties of a less-than-healthy baby.

He surprised me in his answer.  While he held me, he told me this story.  He said that at church that morning, he was looking at the handicapped boy and he saw the boy looking up at his dad with such love.  He said he realized then that though the boy was handicapped, it didn't change the relationship he had with his dad, and that whatever comes with Baby Boy, we will accept and move on with life, however different that life may be.  He couldn't have said anything better.  Though I may still be anxious until I see my boy, I've realized that with DH and faith, life will go on. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to L as she endures the week before her level 2 ultrasound.  As I go through my day today--vacation started!--she won't be far from my thoughts, especially when I'm at my prenatal appt.  I'm sure I'll ask Dr. N. about these things, because that's just what I do.  I continue to pray that things keep going well for us and Baby Boy.  My boys are the best part of my life, and this week, more than anything else, I'm so, so thankful for them.  I can't imagine going through life without either DH or Baby Boy.  It's amazing that 27 weeks can change our perspective on life and love.

Rambling

My heart goes out to Jenn @ Future Fords. She's going through a loss right now after being diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. Stop by and leave her and her hubs some love. I'm always amazed how the losses of others can bring back such poignant memories of our own. These babies are always with us, even when we're blessed enough to get a second (or third, or fourth) chance at a miracle.


I don't have much else to say, but I will leave you with a pic of my dog, all snuggled up and warm. As soon as it gets cold outside, she heads straight for our bed! She won't get up there when DH is home, but as soon as he leaves (or is away on business), she thinks this is her personal home. Wish I was as warm and cozy and carefree as her :)




If I had my white sheets on the bed, she'd be incognito

Peace, Pants, and Prune Juice

This baby-carrying thing is no joke.  Ok, the actually baby-carrying is pretty easy, but the emotional ups and downs are crazy.  I spent Saturday night in Austin with DH's grandma after celebrating my aunt's 60th birthday.  The day was wonderful--I got to see two of my cousins who I grew up with but rarely see now that we are all adults.  My one cousin, S, has two kids of her own.  The first was a Clomid baby and the second, well, the second was unexpected and the two kids are only 14 months apart.  They are absolute dolls!  My other cousin, M, and his wife are currently going through the rigorous and looonnnngg adoption process, expecting a baby from Ethiopia within the next six to eight months.  I couldn't be happier for M and E and I think they are doing a wonderful thing.  After a wonderful afternoon, I spent a relaxing evening with DH's grandma and her husband. 

The whole day and evening were wonderful, yet I still felt a shadow of fear hanging over me.  I left my Doppler at home, and Baby Boy seems to be a pretty lazy baby, so I was anxious a lot of the day.  I have such a hard time believing and trusting that everything is ok.  I pray incessantly, and finally, on Sunday, I felt peaceful, and the past two days, Baby Boy has definitely made his presence known.  As I have been sitting here, writing my research paper and now this post, I have gotten anxious and worried.  I did run downstairs to check the heartbeat with the doppler, but I will proudly report I hadn't used the doppler since last Friday.  Last week, I started feeling crampy again (tummy and back), and this cramping really extended all through Saturday.  During my aunt's birthday lunch, I stood up for a good half hour after eating  just so I could feel some relief.  And here's the TMI...I think it's because I'm just full of...poop. Really, I can't even remember the last time I, well, you know.

Finally, today after work, I stopped by the grocery store and bought prune juice and lemon juice (lemon juice and water heated up is awesome for constipation).  DH--still in Finland--laughed and said it was just like college.  I was the girl who kept prune juice in her fridge in college. Gross, I know.  I HATE prune juice.  Today, I tried to put a squiggly straw in it to make drinking easier. Still just as gross.  But it works.  I definitely feel less crampy!

Adding to the cramping has been my love/hate relationship with maternity pants.  More hate than love.  The pants have this stupid tough seam that sits right on my lower belly and hurts so bad.  I thought maternity pants were supposed to last nine months...yeah right.  But I didn't want to be shallow or superfluous, so I was avoiding buying new pants, trying to maintain my budget and savings for baby.  I started crying today and wrote to DH about my pant issues, and he responded with go buy pants, silly girl, why have you waited so long.  He said I couldn't squish baby like that :)  Pants-buying will commence this weekend, after the reseach paper is completed (almost there!). 

And finally, this thought.  I can't imagine the love I will have for this baby.  I love DH so much, and really, this love has increased tenfold just in the last year and a half; how does that compare to how much I will love this baby? How do you ever have enough room in your heart to love that much?

Insanity

My job is crazy stressful right now and I don't think Baby Boy likes it. I'm trying to find something to hold on to amidst the calm.  I feel like every time I figure out one problem, another one pops up, just like whack-a-mole.  I'm trying to find peace in baby, in knowing that he's there.  I like to sit in his nursery and just think.  Here's a picture of the wall the crib will be on in the nursery.  The painting isn't done yet and his monogram isn't up, but this is a nice, happy thing for me to think about when I can't find much else.


Crib wall (blue is not so bright in person)

NEW PHOTO! My dad started the other walls today.  He's just amazing in the work he can do :) So blessed to have a contractor as my dad!



all blue walls would be too dark, so the other walls will be neutral with blue stripes.

 

On being passive aggressive

(I have lots that I should be doing right now, but I wanted to post this before the thoughts flew out of my head)  And, while I do share my beliefs below, I'm not looking for any sort of argument about them.  This is  above issues and political parties. 

I am a naturally passive aggressive person. I shy away from confrontation.  I've gotten much better about this since I've held leadership positions for over five years now because sometimes confrontation is absolutely necessary.  I don't get into heated arguments with friend. We don't talk about politics or religion or money and honestly, I'm ok with that.  If we wanted to have these discussions, we would do so in a civil, friendly manner.  I have the best friends in the world regardless of who we vote for. 

BUT...the whole election/social media issues have really got me fired up.  Stirrup Queens wrote a wonderful blog post a couple of days ago regarding this same issue.  I realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and their own way of expressing their opinions.  We live in America and I wouldn't change freedom of speech or expression.  I value this about our country, even if I disagree with your opinion or your way of expressing it.  However, I think social media has taken this to a new level.  When we are able to hide behind computers and spew out garbage about other people, we are in no way preserving their right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."  I will flat out say I am a conservative.  I don't push my values on anyone nor do I write inflammatory posts about differing opinions.  I do not write about the results of the election last night.  I exercised my right to vote and did what I thought was right.  I don't need people on facebook to tell me how stupid I am for my vote or what I should believe, or gloat for any reason.    People don't realize that when they criticize a candidate or praise a candidate in a certain way (such as this post this morning: "just go cry in your pillows" implying that no one cares what you think REALLY we just care about the results), they are criticizing their friends and their friends' values, and in my opinion, these "bashers" are usurping people's right to the beliefs that they have.  

We share our country. Blue state or red state, really? If we are ever going to get anywhere, at some point we have to work together.  Many of you who read my blog are pregnant (yay!) or hoping to be pregnant soon. Is this the world we're bringing our children into, a divided country where people continue to polarize each other based on beliefs?  It's completely naive to think that we can all "just get along," but if we don't actually examine and respect others' beliefs before we bash them--even through social media--we definitely aren't taking steps in the right direction.  I hope that my son forms his own opinions and is proud of what he believes, but I also hope that I teach him enough to respect others.  The problem with facebook statuses, as Stirrup Queens mentioned, is that we are bashing people we call our friends.  Would you say those things to my face? If we've never discussed politics before and you wouldn't dare say those things to my face because you respect me, my friendship, and my values, then don't post them on facebook. 

Though I hesitate to write this, I feel much safer writing it on my blog than on facebook.  I wanted a different outcome from last night's election.  As I said before, I voted and did what I could.  So what will I do now? I will become involved in the issues that matter to me and do what I can to speak up for my causes.  I will be informed, and I will pray for my country and my president and all of the decisions that are made.  I will live my life and raise my son as best I can.  I will NOT push those away who don't believe the same way.  I will not engage in criticism for the sake of criticism.  I will not move to Canada ;-) . 

Alive and "kicking"

Hi all

Most importantly, if you have a sec, send some thoughts and prayers to Belle @ Scrambled Eggs. She just started cramping and bleeding and she was supposed to have her first ultrasound tomorrow to confirm her great beta rise last week.  My heart is aching for her right now.

Sorry for the absence but I'm crazy busy!  DH left for Finland yesterday and I managed to only have ONE tiny meltdown before he left.  He was informed yesterday morning that his i.Phone is not equipped to work internationally. Cue panic from pregnant wife who bursts into tears afraid something will happen to her and/or baby and she will not be able to reach said husband.  After a few emails mentioning his "anxious pregnant wife," we were assured there would be a cell phone waiting for him at his office in Finland. And we face-timed three times today.  So really, no cause for concern until...

I was alone, in a huge house, with only my dog and my overactive mind to keep my company.  I went grocery shopping, did some grad work, and then stood in the kitchen for an hour prepping fruit (it's way cheaper to buy non-cut-up-stuff and cut it myself) and lunches for the week.  And I got cramps. And a backache.  So, Dr. Google told me that menstrual-like cramps and backache can be a sign of pre-term labor. Lovely. Now, let me be clear--these were NOT braxton hicks nor real contractions at all, just a dull ache.  Well, without DH to calm me down, I started going to that Dark Place in my mind that convinces me something bad will happen when DH isn't home.  Mind reels: nursery isn't started. I don't have any baby stuff. What is pre-term labor? What goes in a hospital bag? Yes, we have established that I am a crazy woman.

I did what any normal prego would do: I ate ice cream and waited for Baby Boy to kick. Which he did, a lot.  He's fine and happy in there and after multiple ounces of water and some relaxation, I was fine.  Until 1 am...

When I woke up because the dog was making noise.  I went to the front of the house to see if she was ok and what do I find but a HUGE cockroach.  I mean HUGE, like gigantic Honey-We've-Blown-Up-the-Kids huge. I proceeded to get the bug spray which I know I'm not supposed to use but it doesn't smell and I washed my hands really well.  Cockroach, 0; JB, 1.  And then I went into the kitchen...

To find cockroach's slightly younger brother on my coffee maker. I spray more bug spray and get more grossed out that this thing is on my coffee maker. Then, I soap down the coffee maker and finally go back to bed but of course, I can't fall asleep for an hour. Cockroach, 1, JB, 1.

I actually woke up refreshed thanks to the A.mbien prescribed last week by Dr. N. (usually I'm against meds but OH MAN when I hadn't slept for a week, I would've taken anything to help).  I ran the coffee maker sans coffee just in case there could've been bug spray in the water I had prepared the night before.  Baby Boy is movin' and shakin' today so I'm assuming that he's fine in there, despite the 1 am cockroach party. 

I may not have a ton of time in the next two weeks to be here, but I am still reading and commenting. I have three grad school papers to start and finish between now and next Sunday, so most free time will be spent doing that, minus a quick trip to Austin this weekend for my aunt's 60th birthday and a visit to DH's grandma. 

Happy November :) and for those of you with cold weather, PLEASE send some this way! I'm sick of 80 degrees and sweating.