"It wouldn't be make believe if you believed in me"

I did it.  I "unfroze" my FF account after about 2 weeks.  Oh why oh why did I do this? Why do I continually engage in self-deprecating behavior?  I can tell you why I did it:

• I'm currently 39 days into CFH (cycle from hell) and my usual cycles are 32 days.
• I got a few positive OPKs almost 2 weeks ago; HOWEVER I don't know if I actually ovulated as I have no idea what's going on with my body.  Most important thing to note: my doctor said I probably wouldn't even ovulate for 2 more weeks.
• I  like clicking boxes. I inputted all my "symptoms" and all my OPK info just to see if FF would give me an ovulation day. Which it did.  So that means....drum roll please....yup, I'm in the 2 week wait.  Or I would be in the 2WW if I actually did ovulate.  AND of course, 2 weeks would be over on Sunday--Mother's Day--a sure sign from God. (she says rolling her eyes)
• I obsessively symptom spot. Like, obsessively.  I don't even know if they're symptoms but I can turn anything in to a symptom.  Typing too fast? Must be a symptom.  Greek yogurt tasted funny? Yup, I'm pregnant.  Hair looks oddly blonde? Start planning my baby shower!
• Possible real symptoms? Crampy, backache, exhausted, and yes, my Greek yogurt did actually taste funny yesterday.  ALL of these things are usually associated with AF, and I know that.  With both my chem. pregnancy and my real pregnancy, my first symptom was sore boobs.  Do I have those? Nope, not at all. I punch them just to make sure, and in my head I know that this most likely means there's NWH I'm prego.



Photo from Denver Public Library
I feel as crazy as  Blanche in Streetcar Named Desire



Please don't judge to harshly. In fact, if there is someone, anyone out there who does this same thing, I would love some reassurance that I haven't gone off the deep end.