The Waiting Room

As I typed the title of this blog, I thought, wow, my whole life is a waiting room right now; though this was not the intended purpose of the title, it fits. 

Yesterday I visited my OBs office for the first time since we found out our little Malachi wouldn't make it.  Mind you, this was not a fun or exciting visit, unless you consider stupid-infections-that-I-can't-cure-with over-the-counter-meds fun. I don't. This office is in the same building as my REs office and the same building as the ER I went to back in November (see Malachi's story if you're curious).  This whole building brings difficult memories to the surface, as if those memories aren't always lurking just beneath.  As I stepped into the elevator, I started crying.  I'm sure people think I'm crazy for all the crying I do, and I'm sure the cute doctor sharing the elevator with me thought so too.  I felt a mini panic attack coming on, again, not uncommon for me lately.  I was dreading the waiting room at my OBs office more than I was dreading the actual appointment.  I was not looking forward to being surrounded by happily pregnant couples.

I step in...and the waiting room is thankfully empty! Things don't seem to be going my way lately, so I was shocked.  I love my OB, and after filling her in on the last 6 months with Dr. W, she said something glorious: it looks like you're very close to ovulating. Thank you, uncomfortable infection, for giving me the first glimpse of hope I've had in a while.  I promptly called DH and told him to cancel all plans for the next week--I'm a little dramatic--and smiled all the way home from the office that once gave me the worst news of my life. The elusive OPK smiley face still hasn't found me, but I think I have some hope that it's just around the corner.  Please don't play hide-and-seek, smiley face; my head can't take the confusion.  And, dear readers, please, please send positive vibes and prayers to RO and RT (Right Ovary and Right Tube--click to see their story), that RO produces a glorious egg for RT to pick up.  If the evil LO produces the egg and LT picks it up...well, I may as well start buying tampons.

Back to the Waiting Room...I never want to be one of those complaining ladies in the Waiting Room.  I never want to forget what it feels like to be on the other side of pregnant.  I never want to forget the strength it's taken to get to the Waiting Room, and the strength it will take to get past it.