And it begins...Again...

I'm currently watching my five-month old roll around on the floor and try to put every.single.thing in his mouth.  So far, he's happy which means we may get another day break from the hell that is teething.  Yet...I'm also supposed to be ovulating this week, and even though I do have this precious little boy who's changed my life completely, we're also back at square one, or baby number two. 

I'm sure that a lot of people would say WAIT!!! DON'T DO IT!!! or...shouldn't you just be happy?! You already have ONE! I realize as well that I am completely and utterly blessed to have this amazing boy, but we know that our family is not complete. 

AF decided to show her face when D was about four and a half months old.  With her, she brought a decrease in milk supply (and I'm not sure it's ever fully recovered) and the beginning of OPKs again.  According to my arch nemesis fertility friend, my smiley face should've showed up yesterday, but said smiley face is being elusive.  Which really is fine with me at this point.

Let me explain why...I'm in my second year of grad school.  I will graduate in May 2014 (yay!), and while I talked a big game about "just putting the baby in the carrier and getting all my work done no problem," the reality of having a child AND doing grad school is that it's REALLY HARD.  I love my coursework, but trying to read and write papers during nap time which may or may not last longer than twenty minutes right now is just tough.  Thank goodness I have a mom and a MIL who will watch D for a few hours so I can get some uninterrupted work time.  With that said, the idea of even having another infant before I graduate in May is incredibly daunting.  Sparks and I would do it, if that's what God gives us, but I would struggle.  We're not exactly preventing Baby #2, but let's just say we're also not dancing when the baby song is on. 

Now, come September or October...bring on the baby song.  In pulling out that dusty box of OPKs, though, I was flooded with so many emotions I forgot existed.  Even though I'm not quite ready to get pregnant again, I can't help but hope to see that smiley face.  When I took a pregnancy test a couple of months ago (because AF hadn't shown up yet) I was a little sad that it was negative.  With only one working tube, the reality is it WILL take us longer to conceive again.  I'm curious to see what the next few months hold, and I'm curious to see how I deal with it now that I have D. 

This space that I've created and that I love will become a mix of emotions I'm sure--TTC and parenting, and really, just living life and trying to find the time to write about it.  What this space has given me over the past year and a half, though, is support and a wonderful group of ladies I think of as friends. And the coolest thing--most of these ladies are now holding their own little ones. and I think that's pretty darn awesome :)

ps...D just tried to eat my keyboard, and here he is trying to eat a pitcher of margaritas