On Being 29 again, for the 3rd time

Firstly, I realize that I forgot to reveal the results of our gender reveal...BOY #2 will be joining us in December! I couldn't be happier to have another lil boy in our family, and I can't wait to see how Daniel grows into his role as big brother.  We did a scavenger hunt for our reveal--pic at the bottom.  We don't have a name yet, except for a middle name--Louis--after my maternal grandfather.  His real name was Luigi (born in Sicily) and he went by Louie short for Louis after moving to America, but we thought Luigi just a little to "Mario-esque" for a middle name.

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Today, I am 31.  31.  I can't quite believe that I'm 31, and I feel no different than I did at 29, just maybe a little more pregnant and a little wiser.  I told Sparky the other night that the theory of relativity sure does suck.  We wish so many years away and count the years towards our milestones..10, 16, 18, 21, marriage, baby, buy a house, check check check.  And then suddenly, I'm 31 and wishing I hadn't wished so many years away or lived anticipating the next moment rather than enjoying the one I was in.  (insert sappy country song here)

I think having Daniel has made me enjoy the little moments more because once they happen, they're gone and then you have a toddler running around the house saying "elbow" and "cheerio," not a squishy infant lying in your arms.  Last night after reading Daniel his bedtime story, he laid his head on my chest--so I rocked him.  We typically just lay him in his crib and say night night, but I didn't.  I looked up at Sparky with sad eyes, and I told him that this won't happen much more, my son's desire to be cuddled and held and rocked by his momma. I wanted to be in that moment, not wish it away.  If only those moments would last forever outside of the relativity of time.  Because the things that we cherish most always seem to be the most fleeting.

  

Back in March, I wrote a couple of posts regarding my college roommate who lost two of her three little girls in a devastating car accident.  I can honestly say that not a day has gone by since then that I have not thought of her or her family or those two little girls.  If only relativity didn't apply and she could speed up time, away from the grief that I know she experiences every day.  Or is that one of those things that is not relative because no matter how far away from it you are, it's still the most real, vivid memory in your life.  How many moments does she wish she hadn't wished away? Crying babies, long nights with 3 girls under 5 years old--things that ruled her life at the time seem that probably seem so insignificant now.  And why can't we force ourselves to slow down and cherish even the difficult times, why does it take a tragedy to make us realize the temporal quality of time? I don't know. 

I wish that weekends were longer and vacations more full, that sleepy babies stayed sleepy little babies longer, but I don't think I'd wish 31 away.  Maybe time could just slow down so I can remember to enjoy each precious moment, each precious baby kiss just a little more, savor it like a fine wine. But at the end of the day, we drink the wine, and if we're lucky, that baby becomes a young man who still kisses his momma.

Tonight I will enjoy every moment of a nice birthday dinner with my husband and a few sips of my favorite wine.  I want 31 to be about the moments, not just about anticipating the big events.  

Happy birthday, happy birthday to me.