The BLUE details

I apologize in advance for this long post, but I have a lot to say :)

If you didn't see my blue picture from last night, we found out yesterday that we are expecting a little baby boy in February, and we couldn't be more excited.  After losing Malachi in December, I thought for sure that we had "used" our boy chance, but God is good.  There is a part of me that feels proud to be carrying a boy, as if I've done something great (ha, I didn't do anything actually). I am currently reading the Game of Thrones series in which it is the duty of the queen (one of the only duties) to produce a boy.  Now, I'm not saying this is my duty at all, but I like to think that our little boy will carry on our name, and that's a pretty cool feeling. Plus, I'll have to pay a lot less for a wedding one day. 

Ok on to the actually anatomy scan. I was a nervous wreck.  I think I felt baby move yesterday during class; it felt like someone had lightly drawn their finger across the back of my hand, but across the top of my tummy.  We got to Dr. N's office.  She doesn't actually do the anatomy scan--another company comes in and does it.  We waited for about 30 minutes during which I peed like five times and almost died of nervousness.  We finally got back there and the tech was horrible.  She was mean, listening to her Pandora OUT LOUD, and really not willing to answer any of our questions.  We wanted to know what each part was and if it was "normal," and she says to us "do you have a history of birth defects in your family?" I said no...WHY? She responded, "you just seem very concerned about it." Well, no shit Sherlock.  Isn't everyone concerned about it? I will be complaining about this woman today. (yes, I'm that girl)

I told the tech we wanted to know the gender immediately, which she didn't tell us.  Every time she flashed to the body, though, it was VERY obvious we had a boy.  He was showing that thing off!  Much to his daddy's pleasure, of course.  Baby Boy was CRAZY, moving everywhere, kicking, squirming, and generally blocking his face from our view.  At one point, he flipped from one side to the other!  I am not feeling all this yet, and I can't imagine having this little jumping bean in my belly.  So far, baby boy is just like his daddy--never able to sit still. 

As we got to the end of the scan, I asked the tech if everything looked good.  She said yes.  I asked about Down's Syndrome markers.  Anyone who reads the Internet (and cares) knows these markers--no nasal bone, issue with the heart chamber, shorter femur bone, etc.  I asked if she had determined any of these and she said, "you didn't get the genetic scanning? That's the only way to know." Bullshit. As we left the office, I asked DH if he was excited.  Of course, he was thrilled with the BOY, but he was worried that something was wrong and that she didn't tell us, or that she didn't take enough time to care.  He said he was hoping to know if baby had any issues and he didn't feel confident in the tech at all.  Well, this threw me into a tailspin.

As I ran my errands to prepare for our reveal, I called the nurse and left a message, asking if Dr. N. could look at the preliminary reports and get back to me.  And then the absolute panic hit.  I lost it, sobbing as if someone had died.  I called the nurse AGAIN and left a hysterical message, convinced that something was wrong with the baby and the tech didn't tell us.  I called DH hysterically saying the same thing.  I had lost all joy, partially because the tech was horrible.  My wonderful nurse L finally called back and said if something was wrong, the tech would've gotten the Dr.  She said the techs often say TOO much, so if she told us everything was fine, then most likely, everything is fine.  Dr. N. will review my preliminary report today and L will call me back.  I also believe that this was the Enemy's attack on my joy.  My greatest fear is that something will be wrong with my baby, and I believe that the Enemy preyed on that.  I began praying for peace, and sure enough, within about an hour of getting home, I was at peace. 

I will say that there is a part of me that is still nervous and worried, but not to the point of hysteria.  We have great crotch shots (I'll post one on Baby Boy's page later today), but because he was moving so much, his profile picture is just like one big forehead (clearly defined nasal bone, though ;-) ).  I go for my next check up on Sept. 25, and I may see if Dr. N. will do another scan--not a big one, just a peek--since this one was so horrible. 

If you've read this far, thanks :) The outpouring of LOVE and CONGRATS here has just been unbelievable!  Court, L, Elizabeth, and Mommy Someday are all in "waiting" situations right now, and I hope and pray that all of this situations end with good news.  I'm officially in blog stalker mode :)

More pics of gender reveal to follow!