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I know I don't visit here often, but ladies, I need some help! I'll keep it short, microblog style.
Daniel, almost 3, started having terrible nighttime anxiety after NYE. He's been an awesome sleeper since 10w old, and until now, we've been able to rub his back and he goes to sleep on his own, no issue. Now, though....screaming, tantrums, made himself throw up...unless someone is literally in bed with him. So, we started trying to help him. We have successfully made it out of his bed but we still MUST be in his room or he has a tantrum. One of us has to sleep in a twin bed at the end of his bed.
We have tried: flashlight, essential oils, special toy, life-sized minion (seriously, no joke), nightlight, white noise/music, everything. We tried leaving the door open but his screaming just woke the baby so that wouldn't work. He won't fall asleep with the light on. We've tried letting him fall asleep watching the iPad, no luck.
I think he's over the fear, but how do I know if he's just being defiant? When is it time for tough love? I love my kids, but hubs and I can't go to sleep with him at 7:30 at night just because he needs someone in there to fall asleep. He thinks he can just go downstairs with momma and daddy instead of going to sleep. He needs his sleep, too. The screaming in the middle of the night has lessened, and honestly, he was waking once a night and calling for me before this all started, and i'm fine with that. I just go up, pull up his blankets, and he would go back to bed. For some reason, this has all changed now.
I'm really not sure what to do and I would welcome some advice. We are TIRED and in desperate need of at least one baby-free hour in the evenings :(
Stuff
14 hours ago
7 comments:
I am a huge believer in no "stuff" in the bed or bedroom. Each single item creates a new distraction and/or power struggle. I don't think there is a simple answer here, but I'd try a process of gradual change and explain it to him each night ahead of time. Like tonight, mommy is going to sit on the bed until you fall asleep, but tomorrow, I can only stay for 5 min. When that works, then do 2 minutes, etc. until you are just running his back and going. But I would imagine this would take a couple of weeks at least.
I know there can legitimately be fear sometimes, but I think we oftentimes offer the "are you scared?" And then it becomes a crutch for the kid because they know they'll get a big response. If emphasize that he's safe in his bed and that it's a comfy, cozy place...
(We are having some tough bedtimes right now too...the more consistent I am tge better it goes.)
Hi MGG! Long time no see :) so...we have been trying the gradual removal (2 nights in his bed, 2 nights sleeping at the foot of his bed, and we are supposed to be doing 2 nights in the hallway) but the problem is he just screams as soon as we leave the room :( I don't know if I should jsut let him cry...
Hmm. Can he tell you why he is scared/anxious? I know some kids worry about monsters and have nightmares but I don't know when that starts.
No advice from me here as we aren't at that point yet.
Ugh, this is hard. We're going through a nightmare phase too and it's a struggle as we don't want to leave them screaming because they are scared but also being up all hours is killing us. I guess my question is, what does your gut say? Is he truly terrified and need soothing (in which case a security object may be useful) or are you past that and he's looking for an excuse to have you stay with him? If the former, I would also talk with your pediatrician. If the latter, it may be worth trying some cry it out. It's terribly hard to do, but if all else fails it may be worth a shot.
Good luck and hang in there. And please share what ends up working.
My only good advice is to pick one thing and stick with it. The times when we kept trying new thing after new thing every two or three nights just confused the twins. Let's not talk about the 14 different bottle nipples I purchased...
My friend had a situation like this. What she did was tell her child during a calm time that they had one get-out-of-bed free card. They made a big deal about making a nice one and setting it up next to the bed. They parents and kid talked about good times to use the card vs. times it would be wasted. At bedtime, they stuck to system. The kid got out of bed once and had to bring the card with him and turn it in. Any morning he didn't use it or call his parents back into his room, he got a sticker so he could see his progress. Once he got enough stickers, he got X prize to celebrate overcoming his bad sleep habits. The kid could always see the card next to his bed, so it was a hard choice -- use the card or get the sticker.
I like the get-out-of-bed free suggestion. We tried so many different things when our three were younger, that I can't remember which ones worked. Sending good thoughts your way.
I read the progress! Awesome news :) I never have anything to post these days but am always around...I get excited when I see a post from you :)
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