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We are STILL having sleep troubles with Daniel, as in he still won't go to sleep in his bed (or anywhere, for that matter) unless one of us is sleeping in his room with him. We're going on two weeks of this now, and I realize that two weeks out of the 150 weeks of life he has lived is not much, but right now it feels like FOREVER.
I know this next part will sound spoiled and maybe selfish, and as a preface, I adore my children and wouldn't change my life as a mom of 2. Hubs and I worked really hard to sleep train the boys when they were little, and as such, they are both great sleepers. Cam was harder, but he's a great 7-6ish sleeper now. So, hubs and I got used to having our evenings to ourselves, 7:30 on. And it was lovely. We talked, we cooked dinner, we watched TV--we relaxed. We both work full-time and rarely have any time to talk until the kids go to bed, and often hubs doesn't even walk in the door until 6:30 pm. Here's the selfish part: I MISS THAT TIME. I miss having a couple of kid-free hours to myself at night to unwind and just relax.
I literally have a child clinging to me from 4pm-9pm right now (Cam until he goes down, and then Daniel) and y'all, it's draining me.
I told hubs this. I told him that I wanted just 5 minutes to myself to to feel like a person again, and not just a mom. And he said, well maybe you shouldn't have been a mom if you wanted that. (he was NOT being mean when he said this, trust me)
But that made me think...does a mom have to be a mom every second of the day? Does she have to completely sacrifice so much of herself that there's nothing left except drool-covered pants, sleep-deprived eyes, and a messy bun? So often moms are expected to do it all, and I think sometimes women feel that looking like they do it all is a mark of success. Like, if you look like you didn't sleep last night you're obviously doing something right. Is that what makes a good mom? I will always do what is best for my children, but I also need time to be me and to be a wife.
So maybe I am (or was) spoiled because my kids sleep (slept) very well and go (went) down very easily. Am I a bad mom because I don't want my kids clinging to me until I go to bed at night? Am I a bad mom because at 8 pm I want to curl up on the couch with a glass of wine and watch Modern Family? I don't think so. I'm a mom struggling to recharge herself enough to be able to give everything back to her children again the next day.
I desperately want and need Daniel to get out of this crazy pattern that he is in. Right now, we are putting a bandage on it, and trying to figure it out, trying to be what he needs us to be. One of us goes to bed with him until he falls asleep and then comes downstairs. Then, around 10, one of us goes back upstairs to sleep in the twin bed in Daniel's room. Again, this can't be a long-term thing, but we are just trying to make do and find some semblance of normalcy in this crazy phase Daniel is in.
Stuff
14 hours ago
4 comments:
Nope. Don't feel guilty at all. Do you like your husband 24/7 and would you like it if he constantly needed your attention 24/7? Of course not. So it's ridiculous to think that just because it's your kid you have to feel differently. I am also a working parent and all of us, whether we work from home or stay at home, need some time to recharge. Don't feel bad about wanting "me" time. Hopefully this is a short phase for Daniel and you will get back your recharging time soon.
Have you guys sought out sleep advice from a professional?
Hey girl. We've called our pedi and she did not recommend a psychiatrist, so a sleep specialist would be next. Thanks for the kind words :)
You definitely are not a bad mom! With the exception of our new baby, my kids go to bed at 8pm too and I yearn for that kid-free purgatory between their bedtime and mine every day. I know many other moms who feel the same way and so I'm certain we're not alone. Being a mom is HARD and it takes a lot of a person; recharging your batteries is necessary and healthy! So don't feel guilty. Hang in there and I'm hoping this difficult phase is just a memory very soon. xo
Oh my goodness, I can relate 100%! Except for the part about how you used to have kid-free time in the evening - I have never had that! Sadly my kids stay up late, to the point where I have had to be strict about a 9pm "lights out" mainly because that is the time that *I* need to go to sleep. It's bad. David and I only get time alone together when we have date nights. And as an introvert I crave alone time to recharge, and if I don't get it I start snapping left and right whenever things are stressful. I try hard to be selfless but at a certain point it's just not sustainable.
In my experience, kids just don't get the attachment to their dads at such a young age like they do with their moms, so I don't think husbands always understand how desperate we feel for a break. Anyway, the good thing about kids is that everything is usually a phase. I know when Meredith gets in her tantrum phases a few days seems like a few years! But it always ends.
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