The same but different

I always feel very nostalgic at the end of the school year.  Even though I work year-round (administration, woohoo) unlike most in the field of education, there's always the feeling of finality, of something ending.  I just finished my 9th year in education.  I can't believe that.  On Sunday, I leave to grade for the national AP Language and Composition exam, a career-long dream.  I am so excited to have this opportunity, and I am so grateful for my mom and MIL who will help Sparky with Daniel while I'm gone.  I can't even imagine how much I'm going to miss that toddler during those 8 days!

The end of the school year feels the same as it always does, promising days by the pool, lazy evenings on the back porch, and dinosaur-sized mosquitoes.  But this year is different.  Next year I won't be in the classroom. A few years ago, my mind was filled with vacations and pool time; today, I'm overwhelmed thinking about our finances, my student loan debt, and whether or not my car is safe enough for 2 babies.  In short, how can I make this work.

Sometimes I think I'd like to go back to a few years ago when summer promised sleeping in and morning runs without trying to pacify a toddler in a stroller, but then I think...I wouldn't be HERE. I wouldn't be in THIS moment, THIS role as a mom.  I'll swap lazy days by the pool for chasing my toddler any day, while secretly hoping that I can sneak in some pool time, even if said toddler has to be there with me.

Pregnancy #2 has also proven different.  I don't have time to worry, and honestly, I feel so sick most of the time that the sickness takes the place of the worry.  Nights are pretty bad, and Sparky has been amazing at picking up the slack.  Honestly, I've been handing D off to Sparks as soon as he gets home from work, just to sit on the couch, or rest my back/hips for a few minutes.  I'm sure that getting older and picking up a 22+ pound toddler is not helping all these growing pains either.  I try to force myself to eat, telling myself I'll feel better, but typically end up feeling worse. If I'm awake past 9 pm, it's a small miracle!   Maybe all of these things point towards a baby girl on the way...maybe not.  I would love another boy, and I'm definitely partial to that idea...is that just being practical, wanting to reuse all D's stuff?!  Yes, the sickness is different, is new, but the excitement, joy, and the hope of another precious baby in my arms is the same.  Daniel is getting so big that I'm not sure I remember what a newborn feels like.

We decided to do the NT scan with Baby B 2.0, and my appt is 6/26. Prayers appreciated for a good scan and good results.