"Why Does He Hate My Nipple?" and Other Tales from the Boppy

As promised!

Everyone tells you breastfeeding is natural. "Don't worry about it--you'll be fine" is their mantra, kind of like "just relax, you'll get pregnant."  Well, chock this up to another falsehood about motherhood.  Breastfeeding is NOT easy, at least it hasn't been for me.  Any of you who have been reading my blog for a while now know that I am somewhat of a type a, like to be in control type of girl.  Ok, "somewhat" may be somewhat of an understatement.  Case and point: when I was in labor, the nurse told me we would try pushing to see how good of a pusher I was.  Bring it, bitch, I thought to myself.  You've just thrown down the gauntlet, or maybe more literally, the hospital gown.  I'll show YOU how good of a pusher I am! And that's probably the reason I only pushed for 15 minutes before Daniel was born. 

All to say that when I started to struggle with breastfeeding, I treated it and the baby as something I had to figure out and control.  Come to find out ,the only thing I could control was Daniel's eating schedule of every three hours, and even then, waking him up at times was a challenge.  I don't want to write this to scare anyone but for others to be prepared, because I certainly was not.  I'm going to include some links I found helpful as well.

Struggle #1: Latch
I was concerned about latch on in the hospital.  Once I asked every nurse about this, I felt much more comfortable that Daniel was already latching well before we left the hospital.  However, once I started struggling with other things, I found it helpful to make sure first and foremost that his latch was good. 
Resource NBCI here; video on latching

Struggle #2: Engorgement
I think engorgement was the greatest pain I've been in besides labor.  After about 3-4 days, when your milk comes in, you will feel like your breasts are two huge rocks.  I mean HUGE--I was a 34aa and now I'm a 34d.  I just thought it was normal for them to be rock hard, but when they started aching, I started to worry about clogged ducts.  Daniel didn't seem to be getting enough milk and I was in so much pain I could barely feed him.  He screamed, I cried, and Sparky just didn't know how to handle all of it.  I called my OB and went in to see her as she feared mastitis.  I actually had a horribly clogged duct.  You'll know you have clogged ducts if your breasts are rock hard and don't soften after a feeding.  You can feel them under your skin as well.  Here was her prescription: go home, get in a shower as hot as you can take it and manually express all of the milk from both breasts.  I had to put all of my strength into my hands and arms to massage out all of the milk.  I actually bruised myself pushing so hard, but only after 30 minutes two times in a row was I able to feel relief from the engorgement.  I called a lactation consultant (LC) the next day and she suggested breast compression while feeding.  Video here .  Breast compression has been my savior and I still compress while feeding, now to help let down, not relieve engorgement.  The engorgement did subside once my milk regulated to baby's needs. 

Struggle #3: Why does he hate my nipple?
About three weeks into breastfeeding, Daniel started a horrible routine of pulling off my breast and screaming after only a few minutes of nursing.  This happened mostly at night but for a couple of days, every feeding was like this.  We would give him breastmilk in the bottle and he'd take that so naturally I was so devastated.  At one point, I threw the boppy on the floor.  I was sobbing and screaming about how I was a failure because I couldn't feed my child enough.  I had a miserable few days.  Nothing I did seemed to placate him.  I knew he was hungry.  Looking back, I'm pretty sure this was a growth spurt and that he was telling my body to make more milk.  There really was nothing I could do but let him suck and wait until my body got the message to catch up with him. The pediatrician thought it may be slight reflux, so we have D on 1.2 ml of meds a day and that has also helped.  I did try gripe water first (to go all natural) but it worked for a day and then the inconsolable screaming continued.

Now, he still does this, but only during his fussy time (6-8pm).  I also know that I'm now producing enough milk for him, so I'm more at ease with the situation.  What I've learned after much research (www.kellymom.com) is that this is common.  Often, babies are overstimulated by this time of night.  Daniel's response to overstimulation is to refuse to eat.  He may not be hungry or he may just be overtired, but this is his way of expressing it.  I've found that if I can soothe him with a paci and rocking then he's not hungry, just overtired, when he pulls off the breast and screams.  I used to try to continue to feed him (resulting in a muffled mouth-full-of-nipple scream) but now, I just take him off, try to burp, check diaper, try only once more to feed him, and if he still doesn't take it, I soothe him.  Most of the time he falls asleep for a few hours so I know he wasn't hungry, and he wakes up and eats great.  I just pump when he doesn't want to eat.

Struggle #4: Why doesn't my child or my breast have an empty/full gauge?!
For those of us who like to be in control, I find that this struggle is the hardest.  How do you ever know if you're producing enough milk or if baby is getting enough milk?  Sometimes baby will pull off and seem satisfied.  Other times, baby will continue to suck long after your breasts feel full.  I'm a horrible pumper and can usually only get 1-1.5 ounces per breast in a sitting, but I know Daniel is eating 2 oz a breast (he will drink a full 4oz bottle) and is full.  So how do you know? Weight gain is truly the only way to know, as frustrating as it is.  If baby is typically happy after a feeding, he's getting enough.  I realize this isn't always true, but I find it helpful.  I also found it helpful to know the difference between drinking and sucking because then you know how long the baby is actually drinking milk.  Video here.

I think I tried to rush Daniel through feedings.  Since I've calmed down, I just let him eat.  I don't watch the clock.  As babies get older, they get more efficient at eating and can fill up in a shorter time.  As long as their time is spent drinking and not just sucking or nibbling, the amount of time truly doesn't matter--just the quality of the feeding. 

Struggle #5: Let down
During the "I hate your boobs" phase, I also realized that I wasn't getting good letdown.  You have some milk in your breasts when baby first starts eating (foremilk) but the good fatty milk, the hindmilk, comes when your milk lets down.  This can be a spray that is forceful or for some babies, not forceful enough.  Daniel was pissed because my letdown was slow or nonexistent.  After copious research and many tears, I started practicing relaxation and breathing techniques to help my letdown. This has helped tremendously (www.kellymom.com) Now I usually get three letdowns on each side and Daniel is happy as a clam.  After the first letdown, the second is usually too strong for him so he pulls off and milk goes everywhere, but I'd rather have that problem!

This isn't perfect, though. Just the other night he couldn't get a second letdown (I think I was stressed) and he was pissed, so he screamed.  We soothed him and he fell asleep, so obviously he was just fussy, but I'm still struggling with all of this. 

You'll know baby is getting good hindmilk when his poop is yellow and seedy.  If his poop is green and stringy, baby is getting mostly foremilk and you should nurse longer to ensure he's getting the good fatty milk that helps him sleep.

*********************************

ALLLL this to say: you're not alone.  Breastfeeding is hard.  If you can't do it, do what's best for your baby.   A stressed mommy is a stressed baby, and I know that first hand.  When I was so upset while I was breastfeeding, he wasn't eating well.  My stress and anxiety went directly to him.  I hope that in some way, this will help someone.  I researched and read so much just to calm my own anxieties, but now I feel like we're finally in a good eating place.  The 6 week growth spurt may change all this, but I think I'm better prepared.

Now to figure out a bedtime routine...and how to get a baby to go to sleep at 7:30 pm and only wake up once until morning...