ONE MONTH

(ok I started this post yesterday on 1/16, so it was a month, yesterday) Seriously.  We are ONE MONTH from my due date!!  I can't believe we're allowed to actually be having this baby, not because we're going to be bad parents, but because this day felt like it would never come.  There were points in the last year where I felt as if we were in an endless maze with no foreseeable way out.  Looking back, I know why we were in that maze, but at the time, seeing an end (taking home a baby) seemed an impossibility.  And now, after everything, after learning to be patient and learning to accept Malachi's loss, we're finally almost there.

Last Wednesday, Sparky called me and asked quite seriously if I was going to have the baby this week.  I told him I doubt the baby will come this early...and then he told me his boss wanted him to take a last minute trip to Finland to take care of some issues.  So, off Sparks went to Finland this past Sunday to return tomorrow (yay!).  He missed one doctor visit.  We didn't think she'd do my first internal exam this week, but she did, so he did miss that which kind of sucked.  But Mr. Daniel (as Sparky calls him) is just happy as a clam.  He's head down but Dr. N. can't feel his head yet and I'm dilated maybe 1 cm, not effaced at all.  I'm not surprised that he hasn't dropped as I still feel his butt in my ribs all the time.  Daniel just doesn't want to leave his warm home yet.  Dr. N. will let me carry until 41 weeks (please, please come before that) and I will be induced after that.  I'd like to NOT be induced if we can avoid it, but I will do whatever is safest for the baby. 

I admire women who have all-natural births.  While I think I'm a very strong woman and have a very high pain tolerance, I will be getting an epidural, for many reasons.  As long as I'm not in danger and the baby is safe, Sparky is fine with whatever decisions I make regarding the birthing process.  He's been like this through the whole pregnancy and it's been lovely that he trusts me so much.  He has done his share of reading baby books and talking to his BIL about their experience three months ago with Elyse; we discuss everything, but I know he definitely respects all of my opinions and desires in regards to the birthing plan and immediately afterwards.

I love having Daniel so close, but given that he's a quiet and quite stubborn baby, I'm ready for him to be here. I'm ready to stop worrying about how many movements he's had in the past hour or two.  He has NO PATTERN. That's his pattern.  This is very, very frustrating.  I've consumed more real Coke in the past few months than I have in years, and ditto the eating sweats.  Yesterday he was trying to punch his way out of my belly, and today, I think he's been sleeping all day.  Sparky is definitely ready to meet his little boy and have me stop worrying, at least about this :)

I started my second semester of grad school this week AND I found out that I have been invited to read at the national Advanced Placement reading this summer!  This is a HUGE deal for an AP Language teacher; I've applied three years now and I finally got accepted! I will spend seven days grading essays in Kentucky.  Sparks and the grandmas will watch Daniel who will be about four months old at the time.  It's not ideal timing (as I'm also taking summer school for grad school) but this is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Sparky is thrilled for me and so supportive.  I of course asked him if it would be ok before I even applied.  I get paid to do this, and that will pay my summer tuition for grad school, so really it's a great situation. 

I guess I've rambled on enough for one day.  We started our weekly appointments, so I will keep updating about those and hopefully we'll have a lil baby Daniel picture within the next month :)