Happy Halloween!

Just a quick pic of my absolute fav halloween costume.  This was obviously three years ago as I would not fit into these shorts OR those abs right now :)  Girl Scout and DH as Dog the Bounty Hunter (the tattoos are fake).  Good times, and good inspiration for post-baby body!

Liebster Blog Award

Sorry for my neglect over the past few days. Time is flying by and I'm barely hanging on!   I have nothing very new or exciting to share. I'm still obsessed with cooking in my new kitchen, DH is still leaving for Finland on Sunday. Oh, and I've lost all my socks.  I don't know where they could be, but I think I remember packing them before we moved.  This is very unfortunate as it is boot season and all I have are work out socks.  Work out socks + boots + slightly swollen prego feet = sad JB.  I will do a more extensive search-and-rescue mission for my socks after work today.

I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Aspgriswold!. What is a Liebster Blog Award? The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, and nominated by fellow bloggers. Liebster is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. Better yet, to me it means “happy.”  So...here are my answers to the Award questions! 


1) If you were a pickle in a jar, where would you want to be and why? I would want to be on the far outside, by the calorie label, clearly because I would have a view of the outside world and I would hopefully be eaten last.

2) What is your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving.

3) If you have a bucket list, what is the most ridiculous thing on it? Owning a pair of Manolo Blahniks that I purchase at the actual store in NY.

4) If you could only watch one Disney movie for the rest of your life, which one would it be and why? Lion King. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie and I think I would choose it because of all the wonderful childhood memories that it brings back.

5) What is your favorite nursery rhyme? There was an old woman who lived in a shoe...I mean come on! She lives in a SHOE!

6) Do you have any pets? If no, why not? Yes! our baby girl, Callie. She's a white boxer with different color eyes. She'll be 7 in April which makes me sad, though she's still as spunky as ever.

7) Is your current hair color your natural hair color? I lovingly refer to my natural color as "mouse brown." So no, I hate my natural color.  I'm a blonde by personality I think (minus most of the stereotypical ditziness) so I have blonde highlights year round. I've tried to go the red route as well, but I can't find a color that works.

8) What do you like to do in your spare time? Read, plan vacations, travel, bake.

9) If you could be any crayon color, which would you choose to be? silver and gold. Those were always the crayons I used the most as a kid.
10) What is the furthest you have been away from home and where was it? I traveled Europe in 2002 with my school's study abroad program.  I guess technically the farthest point would be Greece.

11) How old were you when you got your first cell phone? Senior in high school, so 17. It was neon yellow and did nothing but make phone calls, as all good cell phones did.

Viability! Milestone six hundred and eighty two

Ok, so I probably haven't had that many milestones, but I do feel that pregnancy is a series of milestones.  I'm trying to be careful to enjoy each one because I know I will miss today and I will miss being pregnant, despite the crazy.

Today, Baby Boy has reached viability!  In my words, not medical mumbo jumbo, Baby Boy could survive outside the womb if born today.  Would he need serious help? Yes. Would he be in NICU for a long time? Yes. But regardless, my Baby Boy could make it!  If you don't know her, Mrs. Green Grass is another blogger who's shared her conception experience (through IVF) and all of the details along the way.  She has an amazing story.  Her little boy, Dylan, was born at 25 weeks and is now in NICU progressing very well.  Her story is inspirational, and if you have a minute, stop by her blog and say hi and wish her little Dylan well. 

I didn't really think that DH cared much about milestones until he asked me to confirm how many weeks I was (this was last Sunday). I said I was on my way to 24 weeks, and he immediately told his friend, "that's a great point because Baby could survive if he had to!" So cute!!  I guess getting to hold our baby is a countdown for both of us.  I think it's amazing how loss (or infertility) affects the men in our lives more than we know, and probably more than they tell us.  DH can be a excruciatingly quiet very contemplative person, so I don't expect him to open up to me unless I ask him pointed questions.  I wonder how many men out there just bottle everything inside and we never know.  I wonder what the solution is.

So today I am 24 weeks.  I am feeling tons of movement and I am thrilled to pull out my long-sleeved maternity tops.  I will rejoice in today and in feeling the little ninja move.  Even if every day isn't perfect, it is still another day I'm pregnant, another day I grow to love Baby Boy more and more.

Next milestones: third trimester, glucose test, maternity pics (not the creepy kind), nursery completion. 

Procrastination at its best

Thanks for all of the kind comments on my post about anxiety issues.  I have to remember that it's not a weakness to be anxious and that no one expects me to be perfectly pregnant or happy 100% of the time.  My BFF (who is also prego!) said that I made her feel like a normal pregnant woman since I'm not just this "perfect prego momma." :) She made me smile, as she always does.

In other randomness, I can't find the motivation to grade right now. I really should be grading because I have my own school work to complete by tomorrow (eek!) but...blogging seemed like more fun.  I have two more recipes to share!

• Pumpkin Cookies (so moist and wonderful!)
• 1 c. canned pumpkin
• 1 c. white sugar
• ½ c. vegetable oil
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 tsp. milk
• 2 tsp. baking powder
• ½ tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. nutmeg
• 2 c. all purpose flour
• 1 c. chocolate chips (I usually use the whole bag though) mini is better
• Nuts (optional)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix all wet ingredients. Combine all of the dry and then add them in.  Add in chocolate chips. Use small scoop to drop onto parchment paper. Bake for 12 minutes--mine needed less. You really don't even want the bottoms to brown

• Spaghetti Squash Au Gratin--just posting the link because the comments have some excellent ideas for changes to the recipe.  DH adored this side dish! I think I'm spoiling him with all my food forays in the kitchen.  I didn't leave the cookies at home, though. My students were the recipients of that procrastination tactic!

On the baby front...Baby Boy is now apparently a very hungry ninja.  I am always hungry and he is always moving.  As of my 24 week appointment on Tuesday, he's measuring right on track for our 2/16 due date.  Dr. N said that I can take ben.adryl to help me sleep through the night, but only occasionally.  She said the anxiety is nothing to worry about as long as I calm down within two minutes and as long as there's no prolonged rapid heartbeat. 

My dad officially sketched out our nursery last night (like, on the walls!) and we're ordering furniture next weekend.  Our furniture will take between 6 and 12 weeks to arrive, and if it takes 12 weeks, well, I'll be a little worried!  I started planning my picture wall for the nursery as well.  I'm going to be doing a collage of quotes, pictures, and other little randomness.  I know this will be my favorite part of the nursery.  My project for the weekend is creating a painted canvas, as seen here.  I have a beautiful quote picked out as well.  E.tsy is my best friend for finding unique prints.  I'm not incredibly artistic, but I do plan on hand-scripting something for the wall as well. 

Nursery planning = way more fun than grading essays or doing grad school work. 

Oh and DH is headed back to Finland next week for business...but only for two weeks :)

Sunday, Crappy Sunday

Thanks to Amy @ Dwelling on Dreams for giving me the courage to post this after I read her post. I don't like to admit weaknesses (darn perfectionist personality) and for that reason, I think I've hesitated to write about the not-so-fun happenings in my brain, or whatever part of us houses our emotions and ability to rationalize between heart and head.


I've been struggling with anxiety. Back in 2005, after college, starting a new teaching career, and the dissolution of my 6 year relationship, I started having full-blown panic attacks. My doctor put me on a low-grade anti-depressant which I stayed on until summer 2009 when I started seeing a therapist so that I could go off the meds. I've therefore been off anxiety meds for over three years. I've had a few minor panic attacks here and there, but my therapist gave me coping mechanisms and helped me deal with the underlying issues of those attacks.

Fast forward to second trimester. I have between five and ten minor panic attacks A DAY right now. They come on randomly. I can't control them and I can't even tell you what initiates them. I get anxious before I eat every meal. Honestly, I can get anxious just watching TV. These aren't full blown attacks, just a tightening of my chest and a feeling of general unease and anxiety. Anyone who's ever had a panic attack knows this feeling.

Well, Sunday seemed to be the pinnacle of these attacks. I had grad school work, grading, and house cleaning to do. DH had people over to watch football. I was making dinner for SIL to help out with the baby. And I lost it. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably, unable to breathe. I had a sharp pain in my lower-left pelvic area which of course freaked me out. DH calmed me down, brought me a fan, and generally took care of me. And then it happened again Sunday night. I got back from a walk which I thought would've calmed me down (no such luck). DH lost his wedding ring playing football in the backyard, and one of his friends had sat on my gorgeous leather couch with a wet bathing suit, leaving a cushion-sized mark on the couch. Of course, in my state, I was convinced the couch was ruined. (The couch, however, has turned out just fine after some conditioning and intensive fan-drying, but the wedding ring has not yet been found). Cue sobbing, and worse, sobbing in the shower.

I was ashamed of the way I was feeling. Ashamed that I--of all people--couldn't control my emotions. I'm supposed to be strong, positive, glowing. Instead, I'm this heaping, sobbing mess crying on the shower wall. I love Baby Boy so much, and what made this whole situation worse is I kept thinking that I was hurting him. If he feels what I feel, is he upset? Am I hurting his emotional state? Is he going to come out and be this anxiety-filled terror because of me? Is he feeling all of my stress? I guilted myself into believing the worst. And of course, because I was so hysterical, I couldn't feel him moving as much. Panic and anxiety took hold.

Again, DH is amazing and wonderful (despite the lost ring). He just held me. He did use tough love, telling me I have to stop and I do have to think about Daniel, but he helped. I wanted to eat yogurt for dinner; he made me eat real food. I had two nice sips of wine, and I did eventually calm down. My principal let me come into work late on Monday so that maybe I could get some sleep. The whole anxiety situation is compounded by the fact that I can't sleep through the night anymore so I'm overtired and mentally exhausted.

Honestly, I don't know how to handle these little chest-tightening anxiety issues. I don't want to be on meds because really I don't feel these instances are enough to warrant meds. I don't want to hurt Baby Boy. I desperately want to sleep. I want to be in control of my emotions and my anxiety again and I feel powerless. How can I gain back my positive emotional state? I'm petrified that DH is going to get fed up with me and stop being so wonderful and understanding. I don't want to push him away.

Baby Boy seems to be doing great. I feel him all the time, but I can't help but worry about (please don't judge) him being strangled by his umbilical cord. WHY WHY WHY is this in my head? Do normal people worry about this? I'm petrified that because he's so active he's going to hurt himself.

I go see Dr. N today for my 24 week checkup. I will be asking her about the anxiety, and hopefully she can tell me I can take something to help me sleep, but no anxiety meds.

Not the happy-go-lucky post expected of a prego who's thrilled to be prego, but it's nice to write these things down. Thanks for listening, blog friends.

Pumpkin and punkins!

I don't know if you are allowed to be "nesting" at 23 weeks, but all I want to do lately is be in my kitchen cooking or baking, preferably baking.  While I love baking and definitely turn out some awesome pies for the holidays, I usually refrain from doing so as baking = eating which for DH and I = gaining weight.  I have the metabolism of a...snail? turtle? I smell food and gain weight.  But, with Baby Boy on the way, I allow myself a few more treats.  I'm still exercising 4 times a week so I think I'm allowed to splurge. 

I also want to share these wonderful recipes with y'all! 

First, pumpkin blondies.  So wonderfully light and fluffy, even though there are 2 sticks of butter in them.  Here's the recipe.  I actually took a picture but I don't have my camera accessible right now, so the picture will have to wait.  I actually recommend more white chocolate chips.  This will make them less fluffy and more decadent, so you choose.  I also did not add butterscotch chips or nuts, and I substituted half brown sugar for half of the white sugar. 

Second, pumpkin bread (notice a theme here?!).  This recipe makes two beautiful loaves. I gave some to my mom and half a loaf to SIL and BIL when I brought them dinner tonight.  I can't help her with 3 am feedings, but I sure can send her food to give her the strength to keep going!  For this recipe, I also made some alterations.  I didn't want to use the whole 1 1/2 C of olive oil, so I substituted 1/2 C of olive oil for 1/2 C of unsweetened applesauce.  This also gave the bread a lovely texture.  I also only used 1 C of sugar as I didn't want the bread to be overwhelmingly sweet.  Honestly, I probably could have used even less sugar and the recipe still would've turned out great.  Last alteration...I used dark chocolate chips (60% cacao) again to cut down on sweetness (and don't they say dark chocolate is good for you?!)  Tonight I will enjoy this bread (again) with a nice cup of decaf coffee. 

And last recipe for today, honey sesame crockpot chicken.  I'm trying to use my crockpot more in an effort to prepare for Baby's arrival.  I think the only sane way to juggle grad school and a newborn AND still being a good wife for hubs is to use the crockpot, or at least make storable meals.  I decided to make this for SIL and BIL and that way, I was helping them out but also (selfishly I guess) preparing dinner for DH and I too.  CRAZY EASY recipe and delish--according to my taste tester.  This does take a whole bottle of honey, though, so be prepared.  We happened to have sesame seeds in the pantry, and I think I will toast them tomorrow before I serve this up for dinner. 

In the theme of pumpkin, I want to leave y'all with a picture of the newest lil' punkin on the block! My darling niece, Elyse Adela.  My SILs took newborn pics of her yesterday. Isn't she just perfect?!

And my punkin, 23 weeks (my arm is not this big in person...must remind myself to STOP posing with arm like that!) And yes, still rockin' the heels.




On my way to a friend's wedding



 

A post full of pictures and recipes

As promised, I said I would post some pics of our new house and my new kitchen forays. 

First, the recipes. 

For our first morning in our new home, I made pumpkin pancakes with homemade cinnamon syrup. YUM! One of my college roommates shared this recipe and it is amazing. 











Dinner #1 (no pics of this--sorry!) roasted chicken with fennel. Also wonderful, followed by Dinner #2, Pioneer Woman enchiladas, but I think I've posted that recipe before.  Oh well, here it is again.  I made these for SIL and BIL and new baby Elyse, but the recipe was enough for DH and I to have dinner as well.

And last but not least, I prepared acorn squash as a side dish for Dinner #3.  Also by Pioneer Woman, also amazing (but not very healthy).

Onto the Pinterest project.  I love Pinterest but rarely have time to do anything with my pins.  With my new closet, I knew I wanted a jewelry area.  I don't wear much jewelry, but I thought maybe if I could see all of my accessories I would make more use of them.  So, I made a jewelry hanger.  The greatest difficulty here is twisting in the little screw things.  My fingers were sore for two days.  The directions I've linked here are wonderful.  I did not spray paint mine as I liked the color of the wood.  Also, I suggest making holes with a hammer and a nail before you try and screw in the hooks.  WAY easier.  She also suggests doing this with a glass of wine, which I would have if I was drinking.  If I ever do this again, I would look for a bigger silverware tray as it would hold bigger necklaces better.  All in all, I'm thrilled with it, though!



close up so you can see all the hooks

  

my little jewelry corner. I'm so happy

Now for the pics of our new home.  I will only post the best ones. I think I'm starting to learn to use my camera better! I'm kind of obsessed with my fall decorations, so you have more of those than you do of the house.


mantel



love my huge kitchen, minus the white appliances





backyard and puppy dog

  

Baby Boy's room! The middle owls are from my BFF's trip to Thailand; the monkey is from my trip to Prague, and the carousel is from a Greek family friend who passed away last year




pumpkin on candle holder

 

look through from living room to kitchen, complete with my favorite pendant light


 

more fall



I was very excited to organize my scarves like this

 

entry to house