Are we here again already?

2 posts in one day...wow.

I took a pregnancy test yesterday.  Not that we were trying last month, but I thought maybe, just maybe, Right Ovary had been her overachieving self and we would get lucky pregnant and then I could say, "and we weren't even trying!" as I rub my large belly and smirk disdainfully at those who saying having a baby is easy and, "just relax."

Ha.
Ha.

That damn pee stick was as white as white could be.  Almost like it was laughing in my face.  Looking at pee sticks now is quite different than it was when we first started trying. Now I'm either juggling a baby on my hip or preventing said baby from falling on his face while pulling himself up on my bathroom stool as I squint and re-arrange and hold the pee stick into the light.  (hey--you know you do this too...if I look just right will I see the beginning of a pink line?).  And I think that baby makes the stark white pee stick bearable, at least for now.  That little bundle of crawling, screeching, talking, drooling craziness is what keeps me sane but also what makes me yearn to be pregnant again.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my BFF (she has a 6 mo daughter).  I was telling her that I was logically ready for #2--I'm 30, I'm ready to not be pregnant forever, my career is at a point where I could stay home--but that I wasn't emotionally ready.  Then something clicked last week: I'm ready.  In my heart, I know that I could give #2 the love it deserves and still love D more and more every day.

The other night I had a dream THREE TIMES that I was pregnant.  Then Sparky emailed me and told me he had been doing some thinking and was ready to grow our family.  THEN a girl who had borrowed my maternity dresses brought them back to me at work.  This is all in the same day people! I mean, it was like a veritable burning bush of signs.

So, I guess we are officially trying.  But with the cheap OPKs, not the really good Mercedes of OPKs, yet. For some reason the cheap tests take the pressure off so seeing a white prego pee stick doesn't hurt quite as much.  I seem to be ovulating, though with only one tube, I know our monthly chances aren't as good as they could be.  I'm nervous, excited, ready, and not ready all at the same time.  True to form, I've already picked out a new pregnancy announcement.  I love focusing on things like that; I think it's just a coping mechanism I have.

One of my hs BFFs is pregnant with her third, and BFF with the 6 mo is also ready to be prego again, and my wonderful SIL (with the 1 year old) told me today that she and BIL are ready to give my neice a sibling as well.  So maybe 2014 will bring a baby boom.

Right now, I feel calm about all of this. Give me two months of stark white pee sticks and I may need some X.anax.