Peace, Pants, and Prune Juice

This baby-carrying thing is no joke.  Ok, the actually baby-carrying is pretty easy, but the emotional ups and downs are crazy.  I spent Saturday night in Austin with DH's grandma after celebrating my aunt's 60th birthday.  The day was wonderful--I got to see two of my cousins who I grew up with but rarely see now that we are all adults.  My one cousin, S, has two kids of her own.  The first was a Clomid baby and the second, well, the second was unexpected and the two kids are only 14 months apart.  They are absolute dolls!  My other cousin, M, and his wife are currently going through the rigorous and looonnnngg adoption process, expecting a baby from Ethiopia within the next six to eight months.  I couldn't be happier for M and E and I think they are doing a wonderful thing.  After a wonderful afternoon, I spent a relaxing evening with DH's grandma and her husband. 

The whole day and evening were wonderful, yet I still felt a shadow of fear hanging over me.  I left my Doppler at home, and Baby Boy seems to be a pretty lazy baby, so I was anxious a lot of the day.  I have such a hard time believing and trusting that everything is ok.  I pray incessantly, and finally, on Sunday, I felt peaceful, and the past two days, Baby Boy has definitely made his presence known.  As I have been sitting here, writing my research paper and now this post, I have gotten anxious and worried.  I did run downstairs to check the heartbeat with the doppler, but I will proudly report I hadn't used the doppler since last Friday.  Last week, I started feeling crampy again (tummy and back), and this cramping really extended all through Saturday.  During my aunt's birthday lunch, I stood up for a good half hour after eating  just so I could feel some relief.  And here's the TMI...I think it's because I'm just full of...poop. Really, I can't even remember the last time I, well, you know.

Finally, today after work, I stopped by the grocery store and bought prune juice and lemon juice (lemon juice and water heated up is awesome for constipation).  DH--still in Finland--laughed and said it was just like college.  I was the girl who kept prune juice in her fridge in college. Gross, I know.  I HATE prune juice.  Today, I tried to put a squiggly straw in it to make drinking easier. Still just as gross.  But it works.  I definitely feel less crampy!

Adding to the cramping has been my love/hate relationship with maternity pants.  More hate than love.  The pants have this stupid tough seam that sits right on my lower belly and hurts so bad.  I thought maternity pants were supposed to last nine months...yeah right.  But I didn't want to be shallow or superfluous, so I was avoiding buying new pants, trying to maintain my budget and savings for baby.  I started crying today and wrote to DH about my pant issues, and he responded with go buy pants, silly girl, why have you waited so long.  He said I couldn't squish baby like that :)  Pants-buying will commence this weekend, after the reseach paper is completed (almost there!). 

And finally, this thought.  I can't imagine the love I will have for this baby.  I love DH so much, and really, this love has increased tenfold just in the last year and a half; how does that compare to how much I will love this baby? How do you ever have enough room in your heart to love that much?